I am a 21 year old girl living in Sweden. I’ve worked at magazines as a writer, web-editor and fashion editor for a couple of years now and am currently working freelance. As of right now my life is pretty complicated and I’m trying to figure out what the next step is.
I love reading blogs about all kinds of things that I am interested in and during the past couple of years I have gained an extreme interest in nutrition, health and wellbeing. I am considering going to school to become a nutritionist. I read a lot of blogs about health and fitness and feel that they are helping me establish what “normal” eating habits are. I am a vegetarian but I’d say I eat vegan probably about 80 or 90 percent of the time. The few things I eat that are not vegan are the occasional treat that my mom has made or candy that may contain dairy products.
I started this blog in the hopes of it helping me gain some kind of healthy relationship to food and natural eating habits. In 2007 I started having trouble with my eating and developed what I can only assume is some kind of eating disorder. However, I was never diagnosed and it is hard for me to establish on my own whether or not this is, in fact, an eating disorder. Some days I think I don’t have a problem with food at all but most days I realize I do and that my thoughts around food control my whole life and keep me from doing the things I want to do and socializing in a normal manner.
Something happened a couple of years back, I started obsessing over food and seeing it as something bad and something I was not allowed. Things got out of hand and I went from being a completely normal healthy weight to weighing well below what was healthy. Last year my habits went from restricting to restricting-binging and I started gaining all the weight back. I am now at about the same weight as I was back before all of this started, but I am by no means as healthy mentally as I was two or three years ago. I struggle with my mind every single day and try to tell myself that it is okay to eat, it is okay to have fun and to treat myself to things. It is a constant struggle and I still panic about a lot of things, like going out to eat with friends or being in a situation where the suggestion of eating sweets or junk food comes up. For me, I can’t have a treat without feeling some level of guilt about it or beating myself up about it after my indulgence.
Needless to say, I have a long way to go but I am taking baby steps and I hope that I am on a new path now that will lead me to a happier more fulfilling life. With the help of this blog, and the strength I feel I am gaining by reading all the healthy food blogs I’ve come across, my hope is that I will be able to gain healthy eating habits and a happy relationship to food.
Please feel free to get in touch with me if you have any questions or just want to talk. We can all use a helping hand or an extra little nudge sometimes to remind us that we’re not alone and that everything is going to be okay.